There is an opinion that male assault is possible only in those families where drunkenness or drug addiction is common.
However, this is far from the case. The question “what to do if a husband beats his wife” also arises in seemingly quite intelligent families.
Ultimately, the wife must decide what to do. But it leads to the end long haul development of male tyranny.
Why did the husband become a tyrant?
This is far from a clear-cut question. Each specific case has its own reasons, which, by the way, cannot justify the pathological situation when the strong beat the weak.
1. The man follows the example of his parents' unhealthy relationship. The father “taught” his wife with his fists, and this became the norm of behavior for their adult son.
2. Beating your wife means asserting yourself. This is the logic of the behavior of unsuccessful men who face difficulties at work or do not know how to stand up for themselves in conflicts with peers. Anger accumulates, which is taken out on the woman.
3. The most common cause of fights is considered to be drug or alcohol intoxication, which removes all prohibitions in a man’s behavior. A drunk person is out of control.
The cause of anger may be the most insignificant. In a sober state, such people begin to repent and ask for forgiveness. And this will continue indefinitely.
4. Some of the blame may lie with women themselves. There are people who openly provoke their husbands with insults, reproaches, and even bullying. It happens that it is the wife who starts the fight first.
5. Women's spinelessness can also be considered a kind of provocation. After all, both a drunken and a sober fighter are not particularly looking for a serious reason. Any household items makes him furious. And the wife’s submission only fuels the desire to hit her.
The role of the victim false feeling duty in relation to the raging husband and father is not the most best position. A woman must be aware of the danger she is exposing herself and her future children to.
Types of domestic fighters
Psychology studying the problem of domestic tyranny has divided such men into two types.
- "Pitbull"
He will certainly end even the most insignificant quarrel with assault. When he first takes on this role, he apologizes for every fight, but over time, scandals become a habit, single blows turn into brutal beating of his wife.
He is getting the hang of it, it is useless to explain to him what his ugly behavior entails. Aggression becomes second nature to him.
Experts explain it this way: a man begins to depend on the wife he beats. He is tormented by a feeling of guilt, which he drowns out with more and more fights.
- "Cobra"
For this type of domestic sadist, reasons for fighting are not needed. These are people with a disturbed psyche; they themselves cannot find a clear explanation for their outbursts of anger.
This type will not even spare a pregnant woman. The hardest thing is for the wife, who is not able to sense in advance when her husband is preparing to attack her.
This happened for the first time...
Perhaps this is an accident that will never happen again. If the husband also evaluates what happened, he will immediately understand how terrible his behavior was. He will definitely apologize.
A woman should show wisdom. Remember what the relationships were like in the husband’s parental family. If fighting flourished there, it meant he was following in his father's footsteps. And that’s why, most likely, such wild scenes will be repeated in the future.
If in childhood he was spared the horrific scenes of his mother’s beating, then one can believe that his breakdown was an accident. A wife should forgive her husband, provided that repeating such an act will completely destroy family relationships.
How to stop a domestic tyrant?
We must honestly admit: someone who hits once rarely stops there. Does a man beat his wife mercilessly and regularly? This means we need to look for ways to stop it.
There are no services in Russia to help women when they become victims domestic violence. Perhaps only the police and the ambulance, and even then you have to count on them in the most difficult cases. And also psychology, which can help with advice.
Therefore, even a pregnant wife should only rely on own strength. What should her line of behavior be?
1. Yes, at first there will be heart-to-heart conversations about the unacceptable behavior of the husband. If he understands everything correctly, it would be a good idea for the spouses to visit a specialist psychologist together, who will analyze why the marital relationship developed this way. Will help my husband get rid of bad habit take it out on your wife.
If a man does not accept this option, then the woman is unlikely to cope on her own. After all, the husband does not want to change his wild habits.
2. In general, a woman from the first year family life must know that she should never, in any situation, be subjected to assault.
3. A woman must first of all have dignity and respect for her own person.
4. When my husband hit me for the first time, hysterics will not help. You should pack your things and leave the house. A man must understand that she rejects such a relationship, firmly declaring: “This does not suit me.”
5. What to do if a husband raises his hand against his wife regularly and no words help? There is only one way out - to leave him forever. Even if love for him has not died in your soul, you need to decide on this. Otherwise, both your life and the female psyche will be crippled by humiliation.
Declare war on the tyrant
Let's remember the classic of the genre, the American dramatic thriller film "Enough is Enough." Heroine – young woman performed by Jennifer Lopez – at first glance it has quite prosperous family. Wealthy husband, beloved daughter.
But gradually the happiness collapses: the husband turned out to be not only unfaithful, but also aggressive. He regularly beats his young wife.
The heroine's patience runs out, she and her daughter leave the house. And he decides: I won’t allow them to beat me anymore, I will take revenge on the monster. Trains the body, strengthens willpower.
And in the end, she repaid her husband in kind: she made him feel why a person who has become a victim of a domestic tyrant experiences such humiliation.
Indeed, the easiest way is to complain to your friends: “My husband beat me.” Where is the resilience of character, the fortitude that will allow you to get rid of beatings? After all, it depends only on you whether you will tolerate this situation or decide to change!
Hide from the bully at home
Hardly weak woman physically cope with an angry man. If you are unable to leave home – the only home where common children grow up, it’s worth starting to fight not only for your own rights, but also for the well-being of the children.
You can’t change such people, they won’t even spare a pregnant wife, they will cripple both her and her unborn child. This means that everything depends on the woman, she must declare: “I will no longer allow them to beat me and my children.”
- Why doesn't she start taking self-defense classes? In such a stressful home environment, the techniques you've learned can come in handy.
- Learn not to react to your husband’s outright provocations; it is better at this time to take the children and leave home for a while. In any case, she must pretend that her husband’s attacks do not affect her.
- It’s good if the house has a room with secure doors that are locked from the inside. This will be a refuge during scandals. It is advisable that a woman always have a mobile phone with her.
- Try to find another place to live and get a job. Living under the same roof with an aggressive husband is dangerous for you and your children!
If renting an apartment or room is too expensive at first, ask friends or relatives to help with housing while you are looking for work.
How should a woman behave if you are still in the same house?
Some psychology tips. What to do if a husband beats his wife mercilessly and regularly?
1. At the very beginning of a quarrel, noticing that the situation is “heating up,” you should not go into the kitchen, bathroom or other rooms where there are corners and sharp objects.
2. You need to find a temporary shelter in advance where you can hide from the fighter. Perhaps your local crisis center will offer assistance.
3. Don't hide. Call the police on the phone, screaming that my husband could kill me. The duty of law enforcement officers is to protect the weak and make the tyrant think about why he shouldn’t offend his wife and children.
4. If the beatings have left bruises and abrasions on the body and face, contact the “ Ambulance" They will not only help the woman, but will also take care of nervous system brawler.
5. If you have to leave home for a long time or forever, a woman should have the necessary things, money, documents, and valuable jewelry ready.
6. Domestic scandals and beatings do not pass without leaving a mark on a woman’s psyche. Therefore, it is imperative to resort to the help of psychology, which will gradually eliminate the consequences of moral trauma.
Remember that the responsibility for your life lies primarily with you! Don't put yourself in danger by ending a relationship that lacks security and trust. And if possible, contact specialists who can help with such difficult situation like domestic violence!
And the most important adviceIf you like to give advice and help other women, take free coaching training from Irina Udilova, master the most in-demand profession and start earning from 30-150 thousand:
He hits me when I express my opinion, or say that I don’t like something, he hits me once or twice a month, this has already lasted almost 2 years, I plan to leave tomorrow, I don’t know what to do next, but I can’t take it anymore .
I lived with the tyrant for 2.5 years. He beat me throughout my pregnancy and after. to say that he beat is to say nothing. He just killed, trampled on me. And I decided to leave... yes, it’s hard with three children, but I have to take them away from these troubles and stress. We women are stronger than them.
Dear women, my advice to you is to run and don’t hesitate! Nothing will stop these monsters. Hit once will always hit. I never thought that I would find myself in such horror. Two years of hell, despite the fact that we did not live, but met. The first time he beat me was when, while drunk, he told me to stay, I was getting ready to go home, he flew out after me and beat me with his feet and fists right on the street until people took me away. They took me to the ambulance, but didn’t go to the hospital. My brother forced me to write a statement. I took him to the forest myself, tied him to a tree and beat him with bats... But love, as it seemed to me then... She took the statement and made up. A month later, something seemed to happen to him at his friends’ house and I was taken to the hospital with a broken rib, nose, concussion and all sorts of hemotomies and abrasions. Then again the hospital, and this is the last, I could have remained disabled, it touched a nerve on the temporal part, I had partial memory loss. My relatives consider me sick, I turned to a psychologist because no one has ever beaten me, and after everything I forgive this freak. It's good that I have relatives and friends. We are going to have a trial soon, and he is persecuting me in every possible way so that I can say at the trial that we have reconciled. I have no right to give advice, but this is not life when every day you don’t know how it will end. Have pity on yourself and your children, I tried everything, dragged him around, threatened him with prison, and on the contrary, I was quiet and obedient, everything is useless. Therefore, if you were hit the first time, run away from this bastard before it’s too late, it will only get worse, this nonentity can kill you.
Svetlana
My husband began to behave very aggressively. I'll tell you what happened. Firstly, he started swearing. Secondly, he raised his hand to me and hit me on the head several times, once so hard that I got a bump! Thirdly, he broke the glass at the balcony door. And fourthly, he was sober. I think that after this he has nothing to live for. And I have two children, a boy - 9 years old and a girl - 8 years old. Svetlana
My husband doesn't drink or smoke. Working. But his mother is mentally ill. Over a trifle, he breaks down and raises his hand against me, what should I do? There are feelings and plans for life. And he loves children, but his psyche is not justified.
And if part of our apartment was purchased for maternity capital, and the other part of the apartment is his! And he believes that everything here is his! When I say that we bought it with the children’s money and that I and the children have a share here, he immediately begins to shake, immediately there are terrible insults and beatings, he strangles, he twists his head.
My husband drinks. At night he turns on music, yells and dances. My daughter is sleeping in the nursery; she is 6 months old. Wakes up from noise. I ask you to be quieter - he raises his hand. He shouts that the apartment is his, and I got out of here. My daughter will take it for herself. I'm getting angry. I can’t live on lousy children’s stuff. There are no centers. There is nowhere to go.
Whenever my husband gets drunk, he beats me in front of the children and tries to humiliate me. His father did the same with his mother. They live in another city, I haven’t seen them for 15 years, and now I don’t even want to see them, otherwise I would tell them to my face what kind of monster they raised. There is nowhere to go, in the house where we live, a lot has been done with my own hands, children’s furniture, household appliances bought with my teacher’s hard-earned money and a small inheritance. He won’t let me change - he’ll actually kill me, or make me disabled.
Mamadochi
Yeah. I thought I would never allow someone to lay hands on me, and at school I was a tomboy and tormented everyone. Yes, trouble has come, open the gates! The first time he hit me was when he was drunk, apologizing in the morning, but at the same time in complete bewilderment “what did he apologize for”?! — she supposedly begged for it. There is catastrophically NO money in the family!!! And recently he took 6,000 from maternity leave for alimony. Well, the other day I was putting my daughter to bed, and again, out of temper, he first barked to one year old child didn’t whine - you see he wants to sleep, and then he actually hit the CHILD!!! In the morning I told him in “obscene” terms that we would not need such a dad in life, and that his “spirit”, literally and figuratively, should not be in the house! And now I myself am wondering how to live on 7,000 maternity leave... But on the other hand, “it’s better to starve...” than to allow your feet to be wiped on you. I will do everything so that my daughter never knows what hunger and family violence are! May the force be with me...
All crisis centers are only on paper. In Yekaterinburg they offered to send the children (they will be accepted), and the mother anywhere. I asked for a week with 2 children, in the end nothing. The psychologist is on vacation, the lawyer is ill, while you rent an apartment - that’s all the advice. We stayed with friends for 2-3 days. The police summoned me and the children for questioning as to why we were homeless. No help! Women, living a prosperous life, should save for a rainy day and rely only on themselves.
Good afternoon. How to convince your husband that he needs psychological help, and maybe even psychotherapeutic help. He doesn't drink or smoke. gives flowers on holidays. We don’t live richly, but we started renovations, and since there isn’t enough money to do it right away and quickly. We do a little bit at a time, but sometimes it explodes because of little things. There are often times when this or that thing cannot be put back in its place, due to the fact that this place simply does not exist. An item can lie in some inappropriate place for a long time, when I ask where it can go, he says that he doesn’t know. the conversation ends with him promising to think and move the thing to some place. then after a while he starts yelling why this thing is lying here. and when I start to remind him that he himself promised to shift it, then he explodes. He starts to shut my mouth, and when I explain to him that I don’t need to shut my mouth, but just so that he remembers, then he starts beating me. It was mostly child-free. But last time the son saw everything. I don’t want a child to be like that towards his wife. The apartment is designed for a child. I don't want to go somewhere. My children and I are registered in the apartment. My husband is registered in another apartment. When I say let's get a divorce, he says you should get a divorce. My parents won't understand me. What should I do?????
What should a man do? He lived with his wife for 20 years. All these years he fulfilled all her whims and the whims of the children. In response only consumer requests. If I have problems, then there is not a word of support from my wife. You have to do everything around the house yourself, look after everything yourself, calculate it, arrange it yourself. As an example: the bedding sets are worn out almost to the point of holes. There is money in the house, and time too (my wife doesn’t work). I started from afar: The kits are wearing out, can you pick up something? In a month: We should buy new sets for both us and the children, otherwise there will soon be holes. Do you want to go shopping together this weekend and pick out something? Another month later: There is a hole in our kit. When will you buy new ones? Another month later: Have you made the sheet with holes again? As a result, there was swearing on my part because the children’s bedding sets and ours were all full of holes. Then curse again. And once again... 16 years ago I bought a huge, at that time, 4-room apartment of 140 m2. While the house was being built, I brought home many catalogs with renovation projects, with samples of furniture and interior design. I’m at work all day, so I asked my wife: Look at the catalogs, let’s do it the way you like it, we’ll buy the necessary furniture. I've been asking for a year(!) In the evenings, he took out the catalogs himself and asked his wife to think about what kind of apartment and furnishings we wanted. No action on her part. I had to think through the design myself with the architects, carry out repairs, and start purchasing furniture. And when the renovation was completed, and the apartment was almost completely furnished, my wife suddenly announced that she wanted to furnish the bathroom herself and choose a chandelier for our bedroom. 16 (!) have passed. We still don’t have a chandelier in the bedroom, and the bathroom is not only unfurnished, it doesn’t even have a mirror over the sink! Women, can you imagine your bathroom without a mirror?! And so it is in everything. Once I went on a business trip for two weeks. Before leaving, I bought everything I needed for home for 2 weeks, gave my wife an amount equal to the monthly salary of an employee: this is for your pocket money; and left a large sum in the safe. I tell my wife: I bought groceries and left you the money. There's a stash in the safe. The next income will be only in six months! Don't waste them. Otherwise we will have nothing to live on. I came back from a business trip, and there was no food in the house, no pocket money, no money in the safe. And mine sits, batting its eyes. As the children began to grow up, the first conflicts began about the process of upbringing. I told my wife many times: Even if I’m wrong 100 times, keep my side in the dispute. The child must understand that the parent’s requirement is the law. The eldest son once immediately after school began to get ready for the club. I don’t let him in because he has an exam soon and he needs to study. He's in a pose. His wife lets him go. Despite my ban. I must say. that I never set stupid bans. He always explained to both his wife and children what consequences should be expected under which option. But my wife always had a position: she’ll grumble and stop, and I’ll do as I want. And just like that, step by step, day by day. I ended up hitting her. Just once. After, once again, she did not do as I said and turned my daughter against me. She immediately packed her things and went to her mother. Moreover, I feel that if she comes back, I will hit her again. So what should I do now? Do you think I'm a goner? Inhuman?
Do you want to finally stop bullying yourself?
We hope that our tips and the method described in this article will help you get rid of domestic violence.
Notes from a client:“My husband beats me. His beating leaves me with bruises on my body.
I have to cover them with clothes and hide them with makeup so that no one
I didn't see it.
The worst thing is that my son sees this attitude of his father towards his mother -
everything happens before his eyes.
I no longer have the strength to endure my husband’s beatings. Of course he apologizes, he says
that he won’t do this in the future - and after a while he hits me again.
I finally decided that this shouldn’t continue.”
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In a situation where a woman is subjected to domestic violence, she needs to do important choice: continue to endure bullying or change your life.
Modeling behavior
If a woman decides separate from my husband who beats her, she must first understand the reasons for her behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a possibility that such relationships will be repeated another time, with another man.
After all, the woman did not understand why her husband beat her. Why is this happening to her? Why did she allow herself to be treated this way?
Exactly - allowed...
After all, if she had stopped such an attitude towards herself at the very beginning, when her husband first hit her, now she would not have suffered from periodically repeated beatings.
If your husband doesn’t change, if he doesn’t stop beating you, you will leave.
In both the first and second scenarios, both husband and wife need to understand the causes of domestic violence and how to get rid of it.
Our behavior in life and in the family is determined by our upbringing.
From childhood we follow the example of our parents. Yes, we know they don't always do the right thing. But we have no other choice but to unconsciously follow their example. We are prisoners of their family behavior pattern.
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Our ideas about family are formed based on the relationship between our parents.
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But it’s not your fault that you act the same way as your parents! It’s just that you didn’t see another example other than your parents’ in your childhood.
But now you have grown up. And you can build your family yourself - the way you want.
Why does your husband behave this way towards you, why does he beat you? To find the answer to this question, you first need to determine the reason for his aggressive behavior. And having determined the reason, we will find out how to change.
Why does a husband raise his hand against his wife?
So, we have found that upbringing and the atmosphere in the parental family influence the formation of the child’s personality. They contribute to his choice life path, behavior, views, beliefs.
It is good when a child grows up in a psychologically healthy family, where he is cared for, where he is respected, where his opinion is taken into account and where they help him become a full-fledged person. But families are different. And the climate in them is not always favorable for nurturing a young personality.
A husband's aggression and cruel behavior towards his wife often have roots in childhood, in the parental family. Most likely, he was often offended as a child: beaten, ridiculed, humiliated. As a result, a man has grown up, insecure, who now asserts himself by demonstrating his physical strength over more weak person- wife.
Sometimes a man’s self-esteem does not suffer, but his father’s behavior towards his mother, in those moments when he beat her, has already been deposited in his subconscious.
Now a man automatically reproduces the same model of behavior - but in his family.
How can a man overcome negative subconscious attitudes and stereotypes?
First, understand that his behavior is an inheritance from his parent.
Secondly, realize that this is not right.
Thirdly, firmly decide that he wants to change.
A man needs to learn to develop a different model of behavior.
Why is a woman subjected to domestic violence?
The woman most likely also carries unconscious childhood trauma. Perhaps as a child she was bullied by her father or mother, or some other family member. She - victim by nature.
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Until a woman realizes this fact, until she understands her behavior and her
beliefs until she learns to love herself and be confident - she again and again
will be subject to domestic violence.
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Realize that your problems come from childhood, that you behave the same way as your father and mother did in your childhood. But then you were small and defenseless. And now you - adult woman, which has the right to decide how to live!
Take up, for example, an activity that has attracted you for a long time. This will make you feel more confident and happy. You deserve all the best! Remember this.
Awareness of the causes and consequences of domestic violence is very important! You understand that once again someone can go too far in a quarrel and get seriously hurt or, God forbid, an outbreak of aggression will lead to fatal consequences.
Moreover, not only do you suffer, your children also suffer. They don't like at will become witnesses to your quarrels with your husband.
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Think about it: what kind of happy family future can your children have?
if they don’t know any other example other than mocking the object of their love?!..
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Your children, just like you as a child, unconsciously inherit the behavior of their parents. They will transfer your behavior model into theirs. future family- just like you once did.
Someone needs to break this vicious circle. It is you who can change the situation for the better and build a warmer relationship with your husband! Realize the severity of the problem. Get ready for change.
Of course, changes will require time and patience, as well as the help of a psychologist.
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Important reminder!
Promise yourself: if your husband does not want or cannot change, you will leave him.
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How can a husband learn to control his aggression?
Often a husband beats his wife because he does not know how to get rid of aggression in any other way. Aggression accumulates in him and increases during a quarrel. He needs to learn to manage his feelings.
There are two in front of you effective ways How to help your husband cope with aggression:
1.
A man can learn to express his emotions with words rather than actions. The simple phrase “I’m angry with you” is more effective than a fist.
2.
A man can develop the habit of channeling aggression into a less destructive channel - sports, physical exercise and loads.
In the first option, the man speaks out his emotions and thereby frees himself from them. After all, aggression is the accumulation of negative emotions and their release when a person can no longer contain them.
In the second case, the man gives his feelings a harmless outlet - through physical work or sports.
How should a woman behave?
There is a pattern in relationships: if one person changes, other family members change too. This is a fact. But before you change, both you and your husband need to realize that changes are vital for you, for your family.
You, as a wife, need to support your husband from the very beginning if he decides to change for the better.
Praise him for his successes, encourage him with words. Show by your actions and behavior that you are with him, that you share his intention to change.
Think about it, would you be pleased if you were told every day that you are bad, ugly, and the like? On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage the behavior of a husband who is clearly making progress towards better changes.
What about children?
Children who have seen their father beat their mother more than once experience hatred towards the parent - they fear and do not respect their father.
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Children, when they grow up, are rough physical strength will respond with the same force
and the same attitude towards a person.
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Is this what you want? Do you want your children to despise and hate you?
If you decide to live differently and build strong relationships in your family, first gain new trust and respect from your children. By your actions and words you must return your loved ones and trust relationship with children.
Children should not be afraid of you, children should respect you!
* * *
Do you want violence in your family to stop once and for all? Take action now. Now you know a little more about methods for restoring peace in your family, and you can put them into practice.
Remember: domestic violence can be stopped!
Change! You deserve happiness!
Aggression is one of the integral components of the modern world, which has a negative connotation. People encounter its manifestations in the form of rudeness - while driving a car, in line at a store or clinic. Such episodes are quickly erased from memory, as they are perceived as ordinary situations. It’s another matter when aggression becomes one of the components of family life. The family, by default, is a kind of island of comfort, where each of its members can feel safe from the influence of the outside world. But what to do if a husband beats his wife? According to psychologists, the fact of domestic violence is a serious reason for thinking about how strong the bond between spouses is and whether they need such a relationship.
Women are gentle creatures that we men must take care of and protect.
First, let's look at an interesting statistical fact. About twenty percent married men, are victims of domestic violence. Many women who have power in the family use physical pressure on their spouse to prove that they are right. However, in most cases, the perpetrators of domestic violence are men with a tyrannical character.
How often do we hear the phrase “Hitting means loving”? After all, it is with this proverb that many women try to justify the aggressive actions of their chosen ones. In order to understand the reason that a woman allows her man to raise his hand to her, you should familiarize yourself with the psychological background of female behavior.
There is an opinion that being raised in similar family conditions leads to a woman developing a psychological attitude associated with recreating the model of parental relationships. But in reality, everything is completely different. According to the survey, the majority of victims of domestic violence experienced an acute lack of maternal love in their childhood.
Women who grew up in such conditions choose as partners men who have faced similar life difficulties. This similarity allows you to create a strong emotional connection between partners. On initial stage relationships, girls are firmly confident that their chosen one is able to understand all their emotions, feelings and experiences. But in reality, this may mean that the tyrant has chosen the ideal victim for himself.
According to psychologists, in similar relationships a strong psychological connection is created between the spouses, which is almost impossible to break. The calm period can be characterized as passion and emotional attachment. The lovers abandon the entire world around them and completely dissolve in each other. The duration of the marriage only strengthens this connection and makes it more difficult to find a way out of a difficult situation. How longer marriage, the stronger the severity of violence caused by “love”. It is the emotional attachment that causes victims to believe in words that such actions will be a thing of the past.
This behavioral model is one of the manifestations of the “Stockholm syndrome”. The woman makes excuses for her husband's horrific behavior and forgives him for all his sins. The fact of forgiving the infliction of physical harm to one’s own health can be characterized as a manifestation of emotional dependence. In many such families, the man forbids his chosen one to work, which significantly reduces his social circle and deprives him of funds for living. independent life in case of divorce. An attempt to leave the family can result in threats and new episodes of physical violence, since the man also depends on his chosen one.
Each family lays down in its child ideas about family, where the relationship between parents is taken as the basis Types of temperament of men with a tendency to violence
To begin with, it should be said that not all men with the following personality types show excessive aggression towards their loved ones. Moreover, a tyrant man may have a completely different set of personal qualities, and show aggression due to other reasons. However, let's focus specifically on people whose psychotypes are characterized by tyranny and the desire to dominate.
Epileptoid - this type of personality tends to get irritated over little things. People of this type are pedantic, accustomed to order, vindictive and stingy. Any mistake on the part of the chosen one can drive the epileptoid crazy. They love to find fault with various actions, manifestations of emotions and feelings. As their chosen ones, they choose women with similar personality traits or those who occupy a high social status.
Epileptoid men see a woman as an equal, so the respect of such a spouse should be earned. It is important to pay attention to the fact that other women are unlikely to be able to cope with the similar character of a man who uses his fists as arguments in an argument.
Paronoid personality type - can be characterized as a suspicious and embittered person, prone to groundless jealousy. A woman with such a husband should be prepared for constant claims, reproaches and aggression. It should be noted that at the beginning of a relationship, paranoids create an image of courteous and noble individuals. But in fact, such people are sadists who experience real pleasure from violence. According to psychologists, such men first inflict pain, and then apologize for what they did for a long time. Tearful pleas on their knees bring them just as much pleasure as pouring out pent-up aggression. Women who are not ready to accept such rules of the game will have to face the dire consequences of such a union.
Excessive aggressiveness in a man’s behavior can be caused by the following factors:
- presence of traumatic brain injuries;
- a tough approach to the educational process;
- in the family where the man grew up, scandals often arose, ending in beatings;
- low performance during school;
- problems with discipline, and aggression towards living beings in childhood;
- lack of sympathy for loved ones.
According to psychologists, the above factors do not always lead to a desire for violence. Men with a strong will have the ability to carefully control their own behavior, feelings and emotions. However, lasting influence stress factors and psycho-emotional stress can cause the “birth of a monster.”
Unfortunately, not every person is able to admit the presence of difficulties and try to correct the situation in those moments when this is still possible.
Too often behind a mask friendly family the union of the victim and the tyrant is hidden Causes of domestic violence
The causes of domestic violence are closely related to the fact of demonstrating one’s own power. However, this is only a superficial opinion. The real reason beatings lie in complete powerlessness in the face of the problem that has arisen. Aggression can become habitual behavior, since the man does not feel resistance and feels impunity. Such behavior can be characterized as an internal struggle between the behavioral model of a “real man” and the “unmanly” manifestation of emotions. It is this struggle that is the true cause of tyranny.
A spouse's breakdown may be due to the fact that openly expressing inner feelings is unmanly behavior in modern world. The accumulated nervous tension spills over onto loved ones, namely the spouse. At the same time, the real reason for such a manifestation of aggression is the need to feel female care and support. If in this situation, the woman does not pick up the right words- she will be beaten. Thus, the man tries to fight his weakness, but it is the woman who suffers.
Husbands who have a dominant role in the relationship may react strongly to their wife's conversations with other men. In this situation, beatings are a method of suppressing the fear of loss and loneliness. In this example, it is very important to consider the quality of the couple's sex life. Lack of attention from his wife, her frequent meetings with friends or relatives can make a man feel indifference and rejection of his half. It is these feelings that give rise to episodes of aggression.
There are also situations in which wives independently provoke their husbands to such behavior, without even realizing all the consequences of their actions. Frequent expressions of dissatisfaction, ridicule, and attempts to resist meetings with friends can lead to physical punishment for displaying hostility. Despite the fact that men are wrong in such a case, they believe that violence has a good reason, which is dictated by the current situation.
“Beat your wife, even if you don’t know why, she knows,” they said in Africa Violence due to alcoholism
Alcoholism - can make loving husband and a wonderful family man, a cruel tyrant who revels in his power. According to statistics, in families where a man suffers from alcohol addiction, most conflicts end in fights and serious physical injuries.
A man who “looks into the glass” and shows aggression can even commit the murder of his wife.
If a husband beats his wife when he is drunk, the relationship should be broken off immediately. We hear this stereotype on screens and often encounter it in print media. In fact, subsequent events play an important role in this matter. Many men, having sobered up and realized their actions, understand their consequences, and show a willingness to fight their vices. In this situation, the woman’s departure can only worsen the man’s condition and cause a suicide attempt.
However, if the faithful has not come to the realization of his mistake, he should break off the relationship without hesitation. The first episodes of domestic violence caused by the influence of alcohol can only affect you, and later on your children. Such parental behavior can leave a deep negative imprint on the fragile child’s psyche. In addition, the strength of aggression will increase with each episode, which sooner or later can lead to tragic events.
Women who have experienced domestic violence wonder whether it is possible in such a difficult situation life situation try to save your union. “Why does a husband beat his wife” - psychology can help find the answer to this question. Joint consultation with experienced psychologist can help find the cause of a spouse’s aggression and resolve existing family conflicts. At the same time, a woman will be able to choose the right model of behavior that will help her not only defend herself, but also resist the tyrant. The presence of a man’s desire to change his behavior indicates that there is a possibility of saving the family.
According to statistics, in our country every day 36,000 women are subjected to violence from their spouse or partner Advice from a psychologist can help create clear boundaries in the behavior of each partner. A woman should be prepared to take retaliatory measures if the need arises. In the situation under consideration, a man must be aware of all the consequences of his incontinence. In the event that an attempt to come to an agreement is unsuccessful, you should part with the person, since aggression will only increase. Some wives are afraid of being judged by their relatives, which makes them tolerate rude treatment. You should not listen to the advice of others who assure you that the situation will change for the better.
IN in this case, the severity of the violence is not important. Light slaps can eventually turn into real beatings, fractures and traumatic brain injuries.. If you do not want such an outcome, you should prevent the development of such a situation at the very beginning.
Remember that you are responsible not only for your health, but also for the health of your children. These functions are initially assigned to the spouse, but in the case of tyrants, one must accept the simple fact that these responsibilities do not fall within the competence of the man. Many people believe that both spouses are equally responsible for domestic violence, but this is far from true. Only when a man’s mental health is normal and he has respect for his wife is there a possibility of change. Unfortunately, this outcome is extremely rare.
Domestic violence is often silent about. If a husband beats his wife, she often hides it from strangers. Why? It's embarrassing and inconvenient. You can’t tell your friend about this over a cup of tea. Sometimes the closest relatives have no idea what a nightmare a woman is going through day after day, until they accidentally notice her bruises and abrasions.
Why do some husbands beat their wives?
Aggression in the family does not come out of nowhere. It doesn't happen that caring loving father The family suddenly changed for no reason, instantly turning into a cruel tyrant capable of raising his hand against the mother of his children.
Aggressiveness, lack of self-control, explosive character often have psychological foundations. Psychologists talk about the existence of two types of male aggressors:
- Men are pit bulls. This type accumulates aggression gradually. The scandal begins with abuse and reproaches, grows and ends with beatings. In this case, the husband is psychologically highly dependent on his wife, but he lacks respect for her as a person. It is extremely difficult for a woman in such a relationship: she has to watch her every word, gesture and glance. A disgruntled tyrant still finds something to complain about and provokes another scandal with beatings.
- Cobra men. This type is more complex and dangerous than the first, although it is somewhat less common. The use of force occurs unexpectedly, without previous quarrels and verbal showdowns, while outwardly the man is absolutely calm. He does not feel remorse even after beating his wife.
Why is there violence? If a husband often beats his wife, it means he feels power over her. Low self-esteem and the presence of complexes push a man to demonstrate his superiority over the weak.
Nature laid in male character desire for self-affirmation. Each person chooses ways to increase self-esteem on their own: go up career ladder, achieve success and recognition in sports, business, or assert oneself at the expense of his wife and children, humiliating and beating them. Dissatisfaction with life unrecognized genius aggressively splashes out at home, as if proving that he, too, is worth something.
From a psychological point of view, male aggression is provoked by the following reasons:
What to do if your husband beats you: divorce or stay and try to correct the situation, each woman decides independently. There are those for whom one time, a single blow, is enough to break the relationship. Such women love and respect themselves, and are confident that once their husband has crossed the boundaries of what is permissible, he will no longer be able to stop. This means that physical violence will be repeated. Other wives live with tyrants, finding excuses and forgiving cruelty, deciding to re-educate him or meekly accepting the situation.
A psychologist's advice will help you break the vicious circle of domestic violence:
Where can you turn if you are beaten by your spouse?
Women are stopped by the fear of the unknown and loneliness. Wives, financially dependent on their husbands, who have nowhere to go, feel that they are driven into a dead end and see no way out, and their husbands continue to abuse, feeling their dominance. There is always a way out:
- Seek help from relatives or close friends. You can find temporary shelter with them.
- IN big cities You can seek support from crisis centers for victims of domestic violence. Whenever critical situation there you can find refuge and protection, receive legal and psychological assistance, assistance in finding a job.
- 8-800-100-49-940 - all-Russian crisis helpline for women, open around the clock.
The procedure for the victim when contacting law enforcement agencies
You need to act clearly when beating, this will help punish the offender according to the law. The procedure is as follows:
What threatens the tyrant?
The legislation provides for prosecution for assault, physical and moral harm.
Depending on the circumstances of the beating, after a criminal trial, the perpetrator of the beating may be charged with:
- causing intentional minor harm to health (Article 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
- infliction of intentional moderate harm to health (Article 112 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
- infliction of intentional grievous harm to health (Article 111 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
- beatings (Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
- torture (Article 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
- threat of murder or causing grievous bodily harm (Article 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).
An official warning will be issued to the inadequate spouse. He will be registered and his behavior will be monitored in the future.
A husband beats his wife, what should I do? Domestic violence is an incredibly complex and painful topic. Words cannot express the pain of women experiencing violence, not from someone else, but from someone close to them.
After reading the article entitled: " Domestic violence: I want - I love, I want - I will kill"(ria.ru/ocherki/20131125/979533705.html ), I decided to write more deeply about the causes of domestic violence - an important and serious topic that, unfortunately, receives so little attention in the press. We live in a completely different time, a time where women gain greater freedom and do not have to suffer and endure humiliation due to the failure of men and outdated views that still float in society.
Husband beats wife, what should I do?
Understand the reasons and, through awareness of them, make positive changes in your life.
"According to statistics, for closed doors apartments in Russia, a woman dies every 40 minutes from domestic violence, reminds Vera Kostamo."1
We live in an era of standardized law, equality, when every woman has the right to her freedom and good fortune. Today, a woman is not socially inferior to a man, and it is important for a woman to understand this and carry this feeling within herself. However, constant doubts, false attitudes and outdated views, pressure from loved ones, society and environment do not allow many women to feel like such. As a result, instead of the expected love, support, comfort, home - tears, suffering and misunderstanding.
Today a woman can realize herself in society, build a career and even earn money more men. Moreover, the woman received freedom in sexual relations. For a certain category of men, such changes in the role of women are perceived extremely painfully. As in the old days, they are convinced that “a woman should know her place.” And the more unfulfilled a man is, the more painfully he perceives a woman’s success in society.
What to do if a husband beats his wife? What is the reason for this phenomenon? Is it possible to determine in advance whether a man is prone to violence? What to do if a woman is already a hostage to her tyrant husband? After all, leaving him is not so easy. I will try to answer these and some other questions in this article.
Why does a husband beat his wife - historical roots
Domestic violence has its own historical roots. In the past, relationships between men and women were such that women and children occupied a lower position in society. Women were prohibited from going out into society, receiving education, and participating in the political activities of the state. In fact, they didn't even have a choice. The man occupied a dominant role, and the fate of the woman and children was in his hands. He wants, he loves, but he wants, he hits. In many countries, men had the legal right to beat their wives for disobedience or disagreement. The woman did housework or worked in the fields, gave birth, raised children, listened to reprimands and endured beatings from her husband.
Today things are completely different. A woman goes “hunting”; she can do without a man, especially if the man is not able to provide for her and her family. However, not every man is ready to accept such changes. Why?
Husband beats his wife - psychology of men
Systematically, vector psychology defines eight vectors, eight groups of completely different desires that are unique to humans. The carrier of each vector played a specific role in the pack, thanks to which the pack could maintain integrity and develop. Under the leadership of the urethral leader, the skin and muscle troops went hunting. But there were also those who had to protect the women and children remaining in the cave. This was the specific role of men with an anal vector.
To fulfill their species role, nature endowed these men with special qualities. The desire and ability to take care of women and children, keep order in the cave, protect it, and also teach teenage boys to hunt and war.
It was extremely important for the rest of the men to know that they would aliment their offspring, and in this they could completely trust men with the anal vector. After all, they will never encroach on someone else’s woman. Loyalty, decency and absolute monogamy are their innate properties and, naturally, they value these qualities in other people.
Being attached to the first experience, for people with the anal vector, their first relationship plays a very important role, as well as their mother, who taught them everything and whom they always remember. If childhood goes well, then such a person becomes a professional, but if not, then he carries a grudge against his mother, which often turns into a grudge against all women.
A man with an anal vector is monogamous. He is not interested in other women except his only wife. For this reason, after a quarrel and separation, he often crawls on his knees, gives gifts and asks for forgiveness from his beloved who left him, only to then again show aggression, beat and let him down when frustrations accumulate, and then again in a circle - apologizing, asking for forgiveness , promise to improve. Monogamy is a serious matter, and a person with an anal vector cannot forgive, forget, or calm down. He cannot move fully through life until he resolves this conflict within himself.
A husband beats his wife - why do women marry tyrants?
A man with an anal vector becomes attractive to women due to his strong libido, which is felt by women unconsciously at the level of attraction pheromones. In addition, very often they are erudite, craftsmen with golden hands or real professionals in different fields, depending on the presence of other vectors. They are authors and readers of DIY and DIY books. Caring, honest, loyal. What girl would refuse this? In addition, most women seek security from a man - and an anal man can provide it fully.
When men with the anal vector are socially and sexually realized, then at home they show themselves to be the most caring and loving men, whose reliable shoulder is always nearby. If not, then they turn into their opposite, sadists and tyrants, and take out their shortcomings primarily on children and women. Very often, when reading the stories of women who have suffered from domestic violence, it is clear that the man begins to be sadistic first verbally, and then with his hands, and so on increasingly. From the stories it is clear that most often this happens when a man has lost his job or lost his social fulfillment. He endures his shortcomings in the form of violence in the home and family. Violence and sexual crimes are always a man with an anal vector.
As soon as a man begins to realize his sexual and social shortcomings through domestic violence, insult and humiliation of women, they only increase, since each time he needs to remove more accumulated frustrations. There is no need to wait for any changes. Because men with the anal vector have a rigid psyche and if they start something, it is extremely difficult to stop them. The first bells appear when the man begins to wring his hands. When a man punches his wife on the back or back of the head, it is a clear signal that he is ready to kill. A clear signal to run.
Why does my husband hit me? wife - modern reality
Unfortunately, domestic violence in most Russian families is still perceived as a natural phenomenon. We constantly come across similar stories on the street, in movies, books and newspapers and consider it acceptable, we don’t attach any importance to it. special attention. A man beats a woman and no one even asks if she needs help. It is worth looking at our past; a little over 100 years ago, women were reduced to the level of cattle. A man is a master, he wants to love, he wants to beat, he wants to re-educate. The film “Once Upon a Time There Was a Woman” very well shows the reality of women of that time. In some African countries, women are still humiliated by giving them scraps of food and not allowing them to eat at the common table.
The modern woman is different
Men with the anal vector to this day feel like masters over women, even if they live in civilized countries and, of course, oppose the equality of women and criticize the feminism movement. There is nothing wrong with a man taking the leading role in a couple, but taking out his failure in the form of beatings on his wife is no good. A couple of hundred years ago, a woman was considered the property of a man and he did what he wanted with her, but today a woman catches up with a man when she goes out into society, easily leaves the relationship, does not want to suffer anymore - and that’s right. In the modern world, a woman should not feel humiliated. Why is there still no equality in families in Russia and how does it work in the West?
In the West, this problem is more e- less able to cope, since women are protected by the law. Despite the fact that the majority of leading positions in society are still occupied by men, this trend is gradually changing. All more women are educated at universities and play a more active social role in society. In the West this happens naturally, because society lives according to the law. In Russia we have a urethral mentality, based on hierarchy, which means every man unconsciously wants to show himself more dominant than others. And it can be difficult to accept the fact that a woman is taller than him or on an equal footing with him. Due to the peculiarities of our mentality (worldview), Western arranged marriages are alien to us, and we easily accept the anal value system, complementary to our urethral mentality. Therefore, male dominance seems natural and normal to us, nothing else.
“The World Health Organization released a report on the problem of domestic violence in July 2013. According to statistics, every third woman in the world is subjected to violence." 2
Most people live by the principle of endure - fall in love, as our ancestors lived, and consider this the norm. The traditional view of relationships certainly has its place and very often works very well depending on the couple, but suffering for years, taking beatings and being afraid of ending the relationship is a big mistake. Guilt, children, fears and simply lack of strength do not allow this to be done. Just understanding what is happening will give enormous energy to change something. Undoubtedly, a man will play an important role in the family, but a woman should not be completely dependent on him in modern society.
A husband beats his wife, what should I do? Domestic violence.
The realities of life in Russia are difficult, especially for people with an anal vector. The transition to a new, skin phase of development, and new principles for building relationships, left many behind active social life. Many are simply not in demand, forgotten, with higher education- and cannot find a use for themselves. Frustrations accumulate, very often a man begins to drink, and then beat his wife and children - instead of love and care, as given by nature. “Women leave and return to their partner an average of seven times before deciding to end such a marriage,” says Marina. “In the early stages, they don’t leave because they hope that everything will change. This also includes pressure from the extended family - relatives , parents. They tell the woman: “Be patient for the sake of the children, save the family.” In later stages, it is dangerous for the man to leave.
Most women hope for best changes in relationships that never come. And where to go when you’re old enough, have children, and don’t have any loved ones nearby for support? There is little support from the state and organizations that protect women, so most often you have to rely on your own strength. The knowledge that system-vector psychology provides helps make a more accurate choice of partner, as well as understand the causes of domestic violence, avoiding unnecessary mistakes.
A husband beats his wife, what should I do? - there is a way out
Systematic vector psychology answers how to get out of such a situation and not get into it again. By learning to separate people by vectors, we learn to understand which person is in front of us. For example, a man with an anal vector, who constantly criticizes the state and expresses dissatisfaction, is the type who will be inclined to beat his wife and children, sit at home on the couch doing nothing. However, during dating, people show themselves with the best side than they really are, and sometimes partners turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of the other half they like. Women with a visual vector often think of qualities that are not in their partner, hoping that the man will change... but this does not happen. And as a result - quarrels, conflicts, misunderstandings.
“November 25 is the International Day against Violence against Women. Candles are lit in memory of those who could not, did not have time, did not dare to end their marriage. According to the human rights organization Amnesty International, ... every day 36 thousand women in the country are beaten by their husbands or cohabitants." 4
Modern society is extremely disoriented; on the one hand, there is pressure from outdated views on marriage, on the other, incomprehensible relationships in couples in the West. Despite the fact that the value of marriage is gradually disappearing, for most women, becoming a woman and a mother is one of the most important tasks and pleasures in this life. , enough to learn to distinguish between caring and sadists, pick-up artists from responsible ones, dreamers from creative people, and create marriages that work and make both partners happy.
To the question: A husband beats his wife, what should I do?- understand, not accept. Understand the reasons for his behavior, understand how something can be changed. Understanding removes unnecessary fear and anxiety and allows you to make decisions based on understanding rather than emotions. And if you have feelings and the opportunity to change something, then you should definitely try it, but you need a tool.
System-vector psychology provides this tool and allows you to learn how to build successful relationships in a couple, and also helps to get rid of any psychological problems. Fears, phobias, depression, resentment, envy, love addiction should not be present in a person’s life and only indicate to us that we do not understand something. Thousands of people testify with their results - perhaps this will serve as your first step in new life- a life of understanding and love.
The article was written using training materials on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
*Quotes 1,2,3,4 taken from the RIA Novosti information resource ria.ru/ocherki/20131125/979533705.html#i xzz2nDCbAa3Z
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