Grandmother- a warm, affectionate word. With an image "grandmothers" we knit cute woolen socks, glasses on the nose, always in search and always on the nose, cabbage pies, jokes and jokes.
Famous cheerful Buranovsky grandmothers
- Still, grandmothers are strange creatures. She came with a stick. Left without. Cheerfully he runs after her, takes her, and goes back, slowly limping.
- And my grandmother still has a new Sony VCR in her closet, which she promised to give me as a wedding gift...
- Two grandmothers are sitting. One asks the other:
What's my name?
Another thinks for a long time and asks:
Are you urgent?
Grandmothers-girlfriends
- The grandchildren of a 120-year-old grandmother freaked out and decided to buy an apartment themselves.
- Grandma Dusya bakes pies and treats them to the players of the football team. Neighbors call her Abramovich.
- Grandmother sings lullabies to her granddaughter at night. She sings for an hour, sings for two, three, four... She's tired. I decided to rest. Then the granddaughter opens his eyes and asks:
Grandma, can I sleep now?
Lullaby for grandson
- It’s scary to send a child to grandma: a complete leak of information!
- Grandma returned from the hairdresser with a boy's haircut. The granddaughter exclaimed:
Oh, grandma, now you're no longer like an elderly woman!
Who do I look like? - asked the happy grandmother.
You look like an old man.
- - There is nothing eternal in life.
Well, don't tell me. For example, you were born, then kindergarten, then school, then graduated from university, went to work, got married, and now you and your children go for a walk, and the grandmothers at the entrance are still the same.
Day and night watch
- In the minibus, the old woman looked long and intently at the student chewing gum... She looked and looked and said, bending over:
It’s a shame, son, you’re telling me all this... I’m deaf...
Being a grandmother myself, I won’t let grandmothers be offended. It's a pity that there are so few kind and beautiful photos grandmothers!
- Call. Old lady's voice:
This is me, Seraphima, Fekla from the third floor!
How can you prove it?
I can show you your pension. Do you see?
No. I can't reach the peephole.
And you put up a stool.
The sound of shuffling steps and a stool being set up.
Well? Do you see?
The crash of a falling stool, a body.
- (chokedly) Fekla, what are you?
Call an ambulance.
I ask dad not to open the door strangers. First, make sure you know this person. I read the joke, thought about it, and checked the height of the eye.
Take care of your beloved grandmothers!!!
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Jokes about grandmothers
Z An old lady gets into a minibus, something falls out of her bag, and the driver jokes:
- What fell is mine.
The old lady answers:
“You, most importantly, drive quietly, otherwise I’ll fall and be all yours.”
— B grandma, everyone says that I’m a loser!
- Well, what kind of horse are you? Jacket - in trousers, trousers - in socks, on socks - sandals! Handsome!
TO It turned out that 123 lousy intellectuals and 567 painted prostitutes pass by the grandmother in the booth at the bottom of the escalator every day.
U I have a request to the television workers.
Please don't run the ticker during news and movies!
My grandmother always thinks it's karaoke and sings.
Z Call to the emergency gas station:
- Sons, what is it? I turned on the stove in the morning, but the gas doesn’t burn!
- Grandma, did you light a match?
- Oh, I’ll light it now...
P Grandma comes to the clinic and says:
- Daughter, I brought my urine for analysis the other day, is the result ready?
- Granny, you brought sunflower oil, not urine.
- There’s a faq, but I’m still wondering why my potatoes are burning and burning.
E No one has ever managed to leave grandma hungry.
T only a retired grandmother can remember full biography 180 residents of her 16-story building and at the same time look for three hours for her glasses, which she put on her forehead.
U grandmothers had 3 granddaughters. They grew up and got married, and before the wedding they came to their grandmother. The conversation turned to families. Granddaughters ask:
- Grandma, how can I keep my husband?
- What do you think?
First granddaughter:
- Probably, you should always be beautiful, slim, well-groomed, so that he doesn’t look at others?
- No, granddaughter.
Second granddaughter:
- Probably, it is necessary for the house to always be clean, cozy, beautiful, so that he is drawn home?
- No, granddaughter.
Third granddaughter:
- Probably, you need to be active, passionate, gentle in bed, so that you don’t want to find someone else?
- No, granddaughter!
All three granddaughters:
- What about it, grandma???!!!
- YOU NEED TO FEED THE CATTLE!
A my grandmother still has a new Sony video recorder in her closet, which she promised to give me as a wedding gift...
P 5-year-old Kolya spent the whole day hungry because his grandmother did not know how to open the double-glazed windows to call her grandson to eat.
P habit is a terrible force. Grandma slobbers on her finger while scrolling through photos on her iPad.
P The arch passes by an old lady selling flowers, from the series well over 80, God's dandelion. The guy takes out his wallet, his girlfriend pulls his sleeve, what are you talking about, why? . . Grandma's response:
- Girl, this is not the case when you need to resist!
B Grandma liked my SKYPE: “Look, what a good thing it is. It’s like we have guests, but you don’t need to feed them.”
IN The 120-year-old grandmother's kids freaked out and decided to buy an apartment themselves.
TO it’s so cute when a smart guy in Adidas, with the words: “Sit down, motherfucker,” gives up his seat on the bus to his grandmother...
AND The residents of house No. 8 chipped in and gave grandmother Antonina Makarovna a tour to Amsterdam.
“Let him see what real drug addicts and prostitutes look like.”
N A very cheerful old age awaits you. Imagine: how many grandmothers will be around us with tattoos on their lower backs...
B Grandma and Grandpa loved to play hide and seek. In the morning the grandmother hid the moonshine, and if the grandfather found it, then in the evening the grandmother was already hiding
WITH two grannies are walking. One asks the other:
- What's my name?
Another thinks for a long time and asks:
- Do you need it urgently?
B Grandmother sings lullabies for her granddaughter at night. He sings for an hour, sings for two, three, four...
Tired. I decided to rest. Then the granddaughter opens his eyes and asks:
- Grandma, can I sleep now?
B Granny Dusya bakes pies and treats them to the players of the neighborhood football team. Neighbors call her Abramovich.
IN About the time of the wedding, my grandmother, while reading a poem from a postcard, got lost, got nervous, said... I used my own words better and switched to obscene ditties...
B The grandmother who knows how to write text messages is called a witch by her friends in the yard.
U Grandma had an extremely bad day: the waffles didn’t turn out and she ruined her laptop for nothing.
M my grandma still remembers cordless irons...
WITH a guy is walking on a tram, his grandmother comes in and says: young man, please stand up, and he says: I know this scam - I’ll get up, you’ll sit down...
Z The caring Fedya goes to his grandmother every day to check her health and will.
Z ima. Morning. A granny enters a trolleybus where a young guy is sitting. Grandmother:
- Give me your seat, son...
Boy:
- But there are plenty of places, grandma.
- And yours is heated...
- B grandma! How many kilometers to the neighboring village?
- I’ve had five all my life. And then the specialists - the Gadyzys - came in large numbers, measured and measured and measured seven. It's because of them that we walk an extra two kilometers.
P first grandmother:
- I turn on the radio for thieves.
Second grandmother:
- And I'm on the second wooden door I leave a note: “Son, all the snakes have crawled away. Collect them, I didn’t have time.”
B abka at a doctor's appointment:
- Doctor, I have strange disease! As I sit, I sit,
I sit, I sit... I lie down - I lie and lie...
- Grandma! You see the door, go, go, go...
AND or grandma's - grandfather's got them.
IN A very well-fed boy is riding on the bus and sitting at the window. Suddenly, at the bus stop, a grandmother comes in with a stick. The boy gets up:
- Sit down, grandma.
Granny, groaning, slowly sits down and says affectionately:
- Which good boy!
- Well, grandma, it’s just how it’s supposed to be...
- No, what a good boy, so fat...
We will all one day become old and turn into grandparents. We will sit on benches, discuss youth and babysit our grandchildren. Or is that not what retirees do? funny jokes grandfather demonstrate to us precisely these activities.
Funny jokes about grandmothers
For some reason there is a tendency on the Internet that funny jokes about grandmothers more common than humor about grandfathers. You can easily find funny cartoons about your grandmother, but there are only a small number of funny grandfather jokes. Perhaps this is because women are funnier when they are older. And so funny jokes there is a lot more about grandmothers.
Funny jokes about grandfather
As already mentioned, find funny jokes about grandpa extremely difficult. However, this will be hilarious humor, where the grandfathers are thoroughly joking. If they are young at heart, they will have a blast for the rest of their lives and give us funny jokes about grandfather in huge quantities.
Laughing jokes for grandmothers
Since older people are raising grandchildren, some funny jokes for grandmothers they talk about exactly this. However, funny jokes about grandma with a similar style of narration are also true. However, laughing jokes for grandmothers are distinguished by their brevity and laconism, which sometimes makes it impossible to stop laughing when reading such humor.
New jokes about grandpa
Do you always want to find new jokes about grandpa? Or would you like to watch funny demotivators about grandfathers? Welcome to our humorous site. A quick registration will help you become part of the team that publishes, rates and comments on humor. It becomes possible not only to add funny jokes about my grandfather, but also to participate in various competitions in which cash prizes are awarded. Appreciate high-quality humor and spread it among your friends, giving them a good mood.
Granny, grandma, give me 5 rubles.
- What?
- Give me 5 rubles!
- What?
- Give me 10 rubles!
- You asked for 5!?
There is a woman in line at the pharmacy, and behind her is a girl of about 20 years old. The grandmother has already bought the medicine, and the girl leans over to the window:
- I need a pack of condoms and valerian.
To which the grandmother quickly turns around:
- Are you worried, daughter? But in vain!
What are the marks on your jacket? - the grandmother asks her grandson.
- This means that I graduated from two institutes! - he answers proudly.
- Are you really so stupid that they couldn’t teach you at one institute?
I have a request to the television workers.
Please don't run the ticker during news and movies!
My grandmother always thinks it's karaoke and sings. He eats and sings...
Young man walking down the street. Seeing an elderly woman, he asks:
- Grandma, please tell me how to get to the hospital faster?
- Tell me “grandmother” again, and you’ll find yourself there right away.
A little grandson was visiting his grandmother in the village. At home he asks a question:
- Is it true that eggs grow in garden beds?
- Who told you?!
- Grandma said: don’t run through the beds - I’ll tear the eggs out by the roots...
An intelligent man is walking down the street. He sees granny standing there, crying.
- Grandma, why are you crying, who hurt you?
- Yes, son, my wallet with money was stolen...
- And there was a lot of money?
- A lot, son, fifty rubles.
- Here's fifty rubles for you, grandma, don't cry!
- Son, maybe you can give me your wallet?
Yesterday I tried for a long time to explain to my granny that I work as a programmer...
- ???
- In short, we agreed that I repair televisions and breed mice...
Two old ladies are talking:
- They say your grandson has arrived?
- Yes, he’s been staying for a week...
- Well, how does it help grandpa?
- Yes, it doesn’t help, it’s a shame to say. Yesterday we drank away grandfather’s pension together.
Grandma about sushi: “And then they served some kind of slimy fish on some cut-up boards that you would be ashamed to give to cats, and undercooked rice. They told me to pour some sauce over it, but there was a dark liquid in the bowl that tasted like slop. And how do the Japanese do this all the time?” eat? one word - unchrist..."
Grandfather says to grandmother:
- I can dig up a garden in six days!
Grandma answers:
- And I’m over five!
- So dig!
Once two grandmothers meet, each 80 years old, one says to the other:
- Did you hear that a new sex shop has opened in the city?
- Food or household?
Granddaughter, I was flying in my dreams again! And not alone!
- Grandma! How many times do I have to tell you that your pills are in another box!
What kind of tattoo do you have, grandma, and is it kind of strange?
- Yes, this one came to me, asked to spend the night, and I told him - chop some wood for me, son...
In the evening, the grandmother puts her grandson to bed and tells him a fairy tale:
- And they took away the mouse’s bed, and Vanka’s bed...
I have a cheerful grandmother.
She came in and started dancing to my music. Then she said “how are you listening to this” and left...
One summer, on one of the suburban beaches, I saw this picture:
A young mother with a small child goes swimming.
Then granny starts shouting after them:
Where did you go?! The water is icy!
I didn’t pay much attention to this scene, deciding that the grandmother was simply taking care of her daughter and granddaughter. But a minute later the woman shouted back:
Grandma, leave us alone! Who are you anyway?!
There was a minute of silence, after which the granny loudly declared:
You’ll catch a cold, you’ll get sick, and then because of you I’ll sit in line at the clinic!
The whole beach laughed for half an hour from what they heard!
I’m riding on a trolleybus (there’s only one free seat left) and I see the following picture:
At the stop the trolleybus stops and the doors open. An old woman gets on the trolleybus, followed by a man. Man:
— Excuse me, can I get to the central market?
A man looks disappointed and gets off the trolleybus. The doors close and the trolleybus starts moving. Grandmother, sitting down, adds out loud:
- But I’ll get there!
— Yesterday I tried for a long time to explain to my granny that I work as a programmer...
- In short, we agreed that I repair televisions and breed mice...
For the New Year, a caring grandmother imposed a sweater, woolen socks, her point of view and a system of moral values on her grandson.
Grandmother is studying with her 5-year-old granddaughter:
Helen, name a 4-letter word that starts with “m” and ends with “a”.
That's right, well done! Now name a 3-letter word that starts with “x.”
My granddaughter goes to kindergarten, so she already knows a lot different words. She blushed and said:
Grandma, can I not say this word...
Grandmother, without any ulterior motive, thought of the word “choir” and, trying to help, prompted:
Helen, it can be small and large. Well? He also sings...
Grandma, what else is he singing?
A three-year-old grandson receives a New Year's gift from his grandmother. Unfolding it, he sees that it is a water pistol and, squealing with delight, runs quickly to fill it with water. Mom is not happy at all and turns to grandma:
Mom, do you remember how we drove you crazy with our water pistols?
Grandmother smiles contentedly and says:
My great-grandmother read until she was very old.
Mom comes home from work one day and asks, “Granny, what did you read today?”
- “Fat is your villain.”
The book was called “Completeness is your enemy.”
And grandma went to the cinema with her mom, and then mom forgot the name, when she was telling something, she called grandma for help. Granny said that the movie was called “Naked Mohaira” (Naked Maha).
One day, a grandmother and her grandson mixed up the pills.
The grandson fell asleep while on face control.
Grandma knitted an eight-meter sock.
A grandmother sings a lullaby to her grandson. After a while the grandson asks:
- Grandma, can you sleep already or do you still want to sing?
Two grandmothers are sitting near the entrance. One says:
- Semyonna, if you like new joke?
- Come on.
- We have a beer stall behind our house!